Good Intentions

They say that the road to hell is paved with good intentions.  If this is true I will meet you all there.  I meant to begin this blog at the New Year.  You know, all bright and shiny and resolutiony (yes that is a word because I say it is).  Well, like most people my resolution lasted all of about 30 seconds before life got all kinds of in the way.  And you know what?  That is absolutely fine.

You see, my other resolution for this year was to be more like Elsa.  You know...to just let shit go.  (And anyone who knows my daddy can hear him singing the song, highly off key, at the top of his lungs.)  What I found was that my holding on to everything and by trying to control literally every single thing that was happening in my life I was....well, I was having issues.  Lots of them.

Issue 1: Lack of sleep

Hello insomnia my old friend.  It was back with an ugly vengeance that was making me and everyone around me miserable.  Because if I am sleepy, I am angry.  And since I fall into three of the categories which make me more likely to have insomnia, namely being female, employed, and having high functioning depression this issue is still a work in progress.  Always will be.  But, here is what I found and started doing.

*This is my disclaimer that I am not a medical professional and that none of this was prescribed by a medical professional.  All of this is just what works for me and some of this is contrary to what everyone tells you to do.

• Go to sleep at roughly the same time every night.  Now, does this happen all the time.  NO!! Of course not.  Life happens.  Concerts and date nights happen.  Spring break happens.  Procrastination happens.  And all of that if fine.  I am doing my best to be in bed by 10:30 every night.  Yes, this is late.  But, it works for me.
• Aromatherapy. Yep.  I am a believer in this.  But, not from essential oils blowing around my house giving me breathing issues and possibly harming my animals.  Nope, what works for me is scented lotions.  I have control over what kind and how much and this has the added benefit of helping my skin stay hydrated and looking not like a barnyard bird.
• Bathing.  Now before any of you get all grossed out like I was not bathing...seriously? I make sure that I bath right before I moisturize and head to bead.  This relaxes me and I am then ready to shut down for the night. It is a ritual now.
• Temperature control. Welcome to the world of hot flashes.   They are everything I hoped they would be and more.  What this means for me and my insomnia is that I have a heavy comforter and the ceiling fan at the same time.  Don't question it.  Just go with it if it works.  And it works for me.

Issue 2: Bringing work home with me

So, my whole job is to help people.  Help them find research, help them be a better students, help them figure out what ever they need.  And, with a staff member out for an entire year with an injury I was helping by doing large amounts of their job.  We all were.  But to top it off I was answering emails all the time.  So...things had to change.  And I can tell you it made a big difference over spring break. So here is what I did:

• Do not check work email outside of work.  Y'all, this was so hard for me.  I am assigned to certain student groups on campus and they email me directly.  I just had to let it go and get back with them the next morning.  The hardest ones though are from faculty or over an extended break.  I have to admit that over spring break I answered 1 faculty email, forwarded one email to the boss lady, and answered one vendor (Hi Dexter!). But, that is it.  And it makes me feel like I am a person instead of the library lady.
• Leave the name tag in my desk or car. Because it is the little things that help so much.  When I forget to take off my name tag and have to run errands after work it never fails...someone wants to ask me about the college or registration or the library.  And while I love my job...I need a life and not showing the world where I work with the name tag lets me have one.
• No personal funds spent on library functions. This one has not been that hard to break.  And the reasons are simple.  I have been at the college long enough to be able to budget well for the following year even though we have to decide in February.  I have a boss that respects that I need money to do events.  And, I have a wonderful relationship with our business office so that my requisitions are processed quickly.  It is all about the relationships.

Issue 3: Feeling guilty for needing time.

Time is a commodity that there never seems to be enough of.  At work I do a really good job of being able to do everything I need to in the time allotted.  Heck, I usually finish well before a deadline.  This was not the issue.  The issue was that I needed time with my husband, my kids, my parents, my friends, and mostly with myself.  So, what did I do?

• Annoy my husband.  Now, I know what you are thinking.  That could cause major relationship issues.  But, not the way I do it, I promise.  I make it a point to go find him.  That is all.  I am sure that it annoys him for a second or two.  But, in the end it helps me feel connected and he knows I love him.  My darling husband is notorious for doing two things.  1. He escapes to his man cave and plays his games. 2. He escapes to the garage where he does who knows what involving tools and parts and stuff that I will not be messing with.  So, when he has disappeared for way to long; I go find him.  I ask if he needs anything.  I tell him what I just did.  Something! But, we talk for about 2 minutes and then all is good.  Small, simple annoyance.  
• Time with the parents.  For those of you who may not know, my parents moved to Gordon about three years ago.  They live about a mile away from me.  And yet...I only see them every couple of weeks.  It got really bad a few months ago when I did not see them for over a month.  This doesn't work for me.  They are close.  We have an amazing relationship.  So, I have made it my mission to just drop by, to call and invite them over for pizza, to call and see if they need anything if I am going to town (because if they do they will just go with me). It has become abundantly clear to me recently that I won't have my parents forever.  I need to see them while I do.  When all else fails..schedule, schedule, schedule.
• Time with the kiddos. So the time has come and one of my children is moving out of my home and heading to another state in less than 2 months.  (I am not crying, you are crying). This was a harsh slap of reality which sucked.  But, I took it as a sign to make the most of it.  So, lately I have been forcing my way into my kids world more often.  Because, of course the kid I see the most is the one leaving. Therefore, sorry other two being whom I brought into the world, you will come out of your room and talk to me.  You will help me tidy up and fold laundry so we can talk.  I will make you be a person instead of a lump.  And eventually, you will love me for it.  
• Bring back date night. OK, this can get pricey.  But, it is money well spent.  The husband and I like concerts and dinner.  And therefore, we will be attending more of both.  And, as much as I love him...he will not schedule either.  That means I am the keeper of the clock.  And I have become OK with that.  
• Girlfriends are important. So, at Christmas I held a favorite things coffee party at the local coffee house.  This is the last time I have gotten together with the girls.  Yep.  Three months.  This must change.  And when I figure out how...I will let you know.  I think it will be a scheduled Fika (coffee break) in the afternoons one day a month.  But we will see.  
• Me time.  Why do women find it so difficult to take time for themselves? Seriously? Have we been so brainwashed that we just can't see our own value?  Well, no more.  This is me putting my foot down.  There are things that I am just not going to apologize for anymore. I will no longer subject myself to the following: bad coffee, weak chocolate, cheap makeup (unless it has a proven track record), and poor quality clothing or handbags.  I am almost 45 years old and I have worked hard to look and feel like an adult.  So, if that makes me high maintenance and you feel the need to try to make me feel bad about myself, too bad.  I redid my entire living room over spring break to reflect my tastes because it is my space in the house.  I organized my closet much to the snickering of others in the house because that reflects who I am.  (There will be posts on both of these activities). 

I am proud of the high maintenance, strong willed, mostly confident woman that I worked hard to become.  Now, y'all remind me of that next week.