The Truth About Aging
Hello, once again my people! So today I thought I would talk a bit about life and aging. Becuase it seems like my life revolves around aging. So let's just jump in it, shall we? Excellent.
Whoever said that growing up and getting older was something that we should aspire to do was a total jerk. Who decided that we need to age. I don't wanna. I want to go back to high school when I was a crappy cheerleader that could eat her weight in pizza and lose 5 pounds. How about we do that! Just that part though, not the whole high school part. Just me being able to eat and stay thin. The truth is that I have not been thin in forever. And I am trying really hard to be ok with knowing the number on the scale and the number inside my clothes. And I must be at least a bit okay about it because heaven knows I am not going to do something drastic like go for a run. Seriously, if you see me running you had better run too because something with a knife or claws is chasing me. That is the only reason I would be running. The reality is that I have not gained one pound in the last 3 years. So why, suddenly, do pants I wore two months ago no longer fit? Can someone answer me that?
My momma says, "Welcome to 45." I so wanted to tell her to suck it. But, y'all, if I said that to my mom I would be having flashbacks to that one time when I was 12 and asked her who pissed in her corn flakes. Let's just say that was not my finest moment and does not bear repeating. I like to think I have grown and changed since I was 12. The truth is probably that I have wrinkled and expanded but not really changed. Goodness knows sarcasm is my love language and I have passed that on to my children. Let's hope they do not get the thighs that have shown up.
And what the heck is the deal with my neck suddenly being all red and splotchy? It is like my body said, "Ok, you are 45...what can we do to cause you to never want to show cleavage again?" How about making my chest splotchy. Great plan. It sucks. So much suckiness.
But wait, there's more. Let's tell them what they win Bob. Pimples!! Again! Like I did not live through this once already. I already spend a fortune on cleaning my face, now I get a cream with some stupid fruit acid in it that I have to use or I look like a preteen with acne. But with a splotchy chest!!!
And last but not least...receding gums! That's right y'all, my gums are trying to let go of my teeth. It isn't like I need teeth. I am sure I will be super attractive gumming my way through life with my bad skin and splotchy chest. Thank goodness my husband loves me.
Whoever said that growing up and getting older was something that we should aspire to do was a total jerk. Who decided that we need to age. I don't wanna. I want to go back to high school when I was a crappy cheerleader that could eat her weight in pizza and lose 5 pounds. How about we do that! Just that part though, not the whole high school part. Just me being able to eat and stay thin. The truth is that I have not been thin in forever. And I am trying really hard to be ok with knowing the number on the scale and the number inside my clothes. And I must be at least a bit okay about it because heaven knows I am not going to do something drastic like go for a run. Seriously, if you see me running you had better run too because something with a knife or claws is chasing me. That is the only reason I would be running. The reality is that I have not gained one pound in the last 3 years. So why, suddenly, do pants I wore two months ago no longer fit? Can someone answer me that?
My momma says, "Welcome to 45." I so wanted to tell her to suck it. But, y'all, if I said that to my mom I would be having flashbacks to that one time when I was 12 and asked her who pissed in her corn flakes. Let's just say that was not my finest moment and does not bear repeating. I like to think I have grown and changed since I was 12. The truth is probably that I have wrinkled and expanded but not really changed. Goodness knows sarcasm is my love language and I have passed that on to my children. Let's hope they do not get the thighs that have shown up.
And what the heck is the deal with my neck suddenly being all red and splotchy? It is like my body said, "Ok, you are 45...what can we do to cause you to never want to show cleavage again?" How about making my chest splotchy. Great plan. It sucks. So much suckiness.
But wait, there's more. Let's tell them what they win Bob. Pimples!! Again! Like I did not live through this once already. I already spend a fortune on cleaning my face, now I get a cream with some stupid fruit acid in it that I have to use or I look like a preteen with acne. But with a splotchy chest!!!
And last but not least...receding gums! That's right y'all, my gums are trying to let go of my teeth. It isn't like I need teeth. I am sure I will be super attractive gumming my way through life with my bad skin and splotchy chest. Thank goodness my husband loves me.
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